urban glitz

I hate this house now
...written on January 23, 2005, @ 20:50

My "parents" are so naive
(WARNING: MAJOR VENTTING AHEAD!!)

Erika hasn't been home since thrusday night and I'm so happy about that, but she gets home at around 5ish today and my parents just bend to please her. I cannot see why. While we're all eating dinner with football on the tv Erika says, "For my birthday day I want to go to Vegas. I want Circus De Sole tickets." My parents didn't even say, "No, that's too much for us." I'm 99.9% sure that my parents will buy her tickets for the plane ride there, pay the hotel and show tickets. I could barely finish my food I was so angry...and hurt.

I took the dogs for a walk - mostly for me - and just went over the things that have happened to me. If you're an only child then you don't understand, but if you're not then you'll know what I'm talking about. My sister is the favorite, no matter what she does/or has done she ALWAYS gets what she wants. I asked for a clarinet I think my 9th grade year and my parents said "no" and I ended having to pay around $600 for one last year (mind you I've been in band since 7th grade). Now Erika asked for and received a bass guitar for her 16th birthday and she doesn't even know how to play it. My 16th birthday - "sweet 16" - I didn't get ANYTHING and Erika had a quinze. I had to buy my bed and my furniture and Erika didn't, Jane just bought it for her. I have to BEG my dad to let me go somewhere, but Erika, nooooo, Mom is like "Be back by 12AM!" or if I don't come home RIGHT after school they get all postal, but not Erika. I got a DVD player for my 15th birthday and like three days later, my parents turn around and buy Erika one and it's 10x better than mine. All I've wanted was a car and my dad's just give me empty promises while Erika got modeling lessons paid for ($3000) that she hasn't even been too. Ask yourself does this make any sense? No it doesn't, my parents are so naive to think that when Erika says that she's at Maggie's house that she's really there. Erika is out drinking, getting high and having sex. You know what she told me, she told me that she was at Ricky's house (Del a Rosa) when she was suppose to be at Maggie's. This is sad, but I thought that if I brought home an F that my parents would notice me, just to be noticed I would've intentionally failed a class. But I didn't because I realized that it doesn't matter what I do, my parents will never notice me like they do Erika, so I get a 3.8 GPA for me. God I feel like such a loser because stupid shit like this bothers me, it bothers me to the point of tears.

I've found out that if I hit stuff, like a punching bag, I feel better. We have one and I like to hit it except that if I hit it hard I can't jab jab, hook. Seriously once I get a car - if I ever get one - I'm going to get a gym membership and do kickboxing. But yeah I so highly doubt I'll get a car anytime soon.

Valentine's Day is coming up and I don't think I've ever had a "valentine". Sad, but I don't really care. My parents always gave us stuff, but I've grown tired of their efforts of cheesy, "I love yous". I don't really want, nor do I need a valentine all I need is graduate and get accepted to a good college. I don't care much for this family anymore and it's not my fault. If they had treated us kids as equals then this wouldn't have happened.

I know I said that I was going to call Wes, but he's off living his own life. He doesn't need me calling him up and wanting to talk to him for an hour. I'm starting to feel like a bad friend, I read one of Vivan's entries and something she said just made me feel like I haven't been a good friend to all my "friends". Some say that I'm a great friend, but I can't help thinking, "Are they telling me the truth?" I'm getting major paranoia. I should just chill, but if I did that then my dad would think that I do nothing around the house, oh wait never mind he already thinks that! *shakes head* I really cannot wait until I blow up in my parents' faces, I really can't. I want to see the looks on their faces when they realize that everything I've said is true because even if they say their sorry there is no way you can forgive someone. How to you forgive someone who made you give up $100 because your sister "needed" it? (Mind you that's YOUR $100)

I was watching Father of the Bride I wondered if I were to ever get married, who would it be to? What would I think as I'm walking down the aisle? Who would be sitting on "the bride's side"? What would the wedding look like? I can tell you one thing I know, my dad isn't walking me down the aisle, he's never been there for me, he can walk his favorite daughter down the aisle. Speaking of aisle I wonder who's going to walk onto the field at senior night? It's sure not going to be my parents because they never supported me being in band. I'd like it if Wes did, but I know that's wishful thinking.

Ah yes I've come to the conculsion that I will NOT clean up after my family ever again. Yes, I'll empty the dishwasher, but I will not pick up cups that are on the table and put them in the dishwasher. I'm tired of picking up after them because they just seem to keep doing it, Erika has 9 cups in her room and one bowl, and my parents wonder why my bathroom gets so dirty. Eh, whatever they're all a bunch of lazy ass bitches.

I hope that if my parents ever need a place to stay that they choose Erika's house because I don't want to have to be rude about it if they call me.

I hope you enjoyed me bitching because it helped me, I cried as I typed all that, but it helped me more than you'll ever know...

Theresa

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