urban glitz

Growing up, making choices
...written on February 04, 2005, @ 21:07

Not sure if I'm growing up right, but I'm trying

I haven't updated in a few days, it's not that I don't have anything to say - I can ALWAYS find something to write about - it's just that because I'm frustrated with everyone is this house I don't want to see them. That's my thing, if you make me mad, don't talk to me, look at me, think about me, or be near me. It gives me a chance to relive what just happened and collect my thoughts. I'm really good at avoiding people when I'm mad too.

School is school. I made a really high A on my anatomy test - 210/204. I was really happy and surprised, I hadn't studied as much as I wanted too. The extra credit is what saved me, Sharup and I got the same score. CHEATER! Highly impossible since he sits on the other side of the class room. Right now we're doing the eye and ear structures. Mrs. Berg is trying out a new approach to giving us notes by using power point and this packet she gives us. She's even thinking about making our test essay format, if she does that I don't think I'll be able to hold onto my A. CRAP!!

We're learning about World War II and all the facsist leaders. Did you know that Mussolini killed more people than Hitler did? You would think Hitler because he wanted to start a new race, that always bugged me, Hitler talking about the "Aryan" race with blonde hair and blue eyes did anyone notice he had black hair and brown eyes? Sometimes I just wish I could be there when people came up with ideas, "Yes I want to have a blonde hair and blue eyed race." "But Sir, you don't have blonde hair and blue eyes." Everyone asks, "If you were sitting at the table and Hitler as a kid was sitting there with you eating would you kill him?" Seriously, no because either way that many deaths would've happened in our history as a world. We learn about our history so we don't make the same mistakes.

Psychology is pretty interesting these days. We always end up in these huge discussions. We started talking about Antisocial people which lead to serial killers. Mr. Flemming decided to tell us a little fact: there are between 40-45 serial killers out and about daily.
Don't you feel safe? I think it's really interesting, not in a I want to kill people to see what if feels like way, but to find out why? I guess that's why I want to be a cop.

We had a substitute the past few days, the same one. I think she has Parkinson's because her head shakes like a bobble head doll. Anyway we had to get in our groups for our Huck Finn project and I think that our group is going to do pretty well. We have everything divided up evenly. Right before we took the vocab test Long and Tung were singing "Bailamos" then "Crazy". It was so funny because they're asians with lisps! Tung is so cute though.

I finished my math in class today, we had the packet from yesterday, yes we had a substitute in there also. Garrett, Jessica and I were just talking and talking. It seems like Jessica has gotten over what Garrett has said - for the moment! I don't think that math will ever be the same for me, no matter how many hot guys I have in my math class next year, it won't be as fun as this year. Garrett was blowing his nose into an actually handkerchief. It was so weird, tissues are much more sanitary, in my opinion.

Bus ride home was ok as usual. I learned that I cannot sit in the front of the bus or I get motion sickness. So I HAVE to sit in the back of the bus. It was fine with me, most of the people kind of leave me alone and leave me to my dream world of staring out the window.

Home was, well home. I did my thing. I got online no one was on and no one had updated. I really didn't care so I just went outside with the dogs. I called that Army Recruiter guy, but he wasn't in so I left a message. I feel bad, but hey I can't help the fact that my parents are dumb. I was proud of myself I think I did it as "grown up" as I could. Sometimes I'm not sure if I'm growing up right. I mean I have my open beliefs and standards, but am I making the right choices?

After Jane gets home Erika leaves and all her little friends start calling. I just let it ring, I hate talking to her friends because they don't have phone manners. Soon Jane leaves and dad arrives. I'm still in my room and I don't want anyone to talk to me. I realized that I don't hate them, I'm just so frustrated with their critizism and their lack of parenting skills. I think that one day they'll say something to me and I'll just blow up. I don't mind it because it should've already happened, but I'm not going to say I'm going to be remorseful or elated. Mixed feelings I suppose.

After they left I got on the computer. I really didn't want to because the other night I came out to get something to eat I heard this knock on a window - we have about nine windows in our kitchen/dinning room. I slowly walked to my room. But hey I need to be fearless because I'm home alone. I'm always home alone, if I had a car I would go to Borders get a book, then get me some ice cream and come home.

I've found out that I'm started to get really annoyed with these kids at my school. I'm not sure if it's because I'm frustrated with my family. The simplest thing that someone does like try to talk shit I'm just like, "Fuck it." And I just stop talking to that person. Or if you don't ask to see something that I have in my hand, but grab it I just got to put my foot down. Or if you just keep talking and talking and talking, sometimes you just need to SHUT UP DAMNIT!

Band these past few days has been, educational, to say the least. Today it was me and Megan on second today because Jourdan was gone (as she will be on monday) and I nailed the part on the second movement Mr. Smith even told me so. That was really rewarding, I think I'm getting really musical these days. Go Theresa! Mr. Smith said that I should be in wind ensemble next year, HELL NO! I only want to deal with Westbrook for 4 months, not a year.

I pimped out Maile's diary and it looks pretty good if I can say so myself. That took like an hour, I think I should change mine soon. Maybe when spring comes? Who knows. I see some cute ones, but I'm just so lazy that I don't want to go through all the work. I like to have the same them throughout my whole diary.

Things at home aren't as bad as they have been, I think that Erika heard me talking to Grandma about not telling me when my friends call because she told me that Maile was on the phone. Maybe it was because she wasn't on the phone when Maile called? The other day I told Jane that the dogs didn't have any canned food and she just walked past me without acknowledging me. Yeah if that's payback for what I did, then that's really childish. Hello YOU'RE the parent, not me. But then she told me there was wings out in the kitchen. I don't know, I guess she only did that because dad wasn't home. Sometimes I think that she hates, but why?

Ending this by saying:
Why are things the way they are? Why is it the one person who has the most to do always ends up getting more to do? Why is it the one who's always trying ends up getting no praise? Why do people believe in God? Why are people so cruel? All I have are questions, where are all the answers?

Theresa

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