urban glitz

Unsure
...written on March 02, 2005, @ 20:43

I don't know what to think anymore

I feel a little bad, I think I was a little too harsh on Ricky. But I'm not going to take back what I said, I was defending myself against what seemed like accusations of me not wanting the car enough. I don't know, I wanted that car so bad, but there is nothing I can do to get it. I can't get a job, everyone is like, "Get a job." I can't, my dad won't let me. If I could I would've already had one and it's not like I'll make NEARLY enough during the summer to pay for a car. So the car idea is nixed. As for stress, that wasn't from actually "buying" the car, it was from what was going on between my parents. My mom and dad have been e-mailing back and forth for awhile and my dad seems to think that it's my mom's fault that I want a car. Hello, even Erika wants one and she doesn't even have a fucking license! I read some of them and the things said just made me want to cry, I know that my parents don't hate (although sometimes I do), but I can't help feel that they don't love the part of me that's like the other parent. A thought that I've had since I was old enough to understand what a divorce was.

I go to sleep around 11PM and it doesn't take me long to go to sleep because I'm so tired. But when I wake up it feels like I've only gotten three hours of sleep, not seven. I don't know why either.

We had to play our music three times today, I HATE when we do that because my lips start to hurt after awhile and my sound starts to suffer. We have a concert on tuesday. GREAT. Don't think my parents will be attending, but I don't care. I have to let Jessica Hall's Mom take up my dress - it's a little long because it was Jessica's.

Mrs. Berg wasn't here today so we had a substitute. Yeah Zach came in there and started hitting my paper like we were friends. I just looked at him and he said, "Man you're evil and blah blah blah." WHAT?! I wasn't the one messing with people. I said, "Well it'll get me ahead in life." Him and Adam did something over there, I was shaking I was so angry. I just wanted to scream, "FUCK YOU! YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN EVERYONE BECAUSE YOU'RE A WRESTLER? FUCK YOU!" But of course I didn't. I just sat there and did my work.

We had a substitute in History also, Mr. Pennington left us busy work. I finished it. John and Ian were talking and I was listening to their conversation and man I realized that the things that the movie portrays is actually true, high school kids do get drunk on the weekends and do drugs. They ended up making fun of people in the class, especially our substitute. They were like, "Yeah, he's a druggy. That sweater is probably from 10th grade."

Psychology was really funny today. Addison and Kyle were there so it didn't feel empty. Tiffany had this little purse thing that had pink feathers on it and she blew them in the air. Well they were by Addison and he saw it and he JUMPED up and grabbed it. It was so funny because everyone was busy listening to what Mr. Flemming was saying and they stopped and looked at Addison. We'll be learning how to treat disorders next week, yes!

Ashley had lunch with us today because Ashely was PMSing really bad. I feel bad for her because I know how bad it can get. We chatted about all these things. I like when Ashley sits with us. Garrett is back today! I gave him a hug in the hallway before english class. I missed him so much. It was like a day and a half.

I had yet another substitute. It was ok I guess because I had nothing to do. I realized that sometime before english I marked on my jeans with blue pen. I felt like a loser. Me and Billy chatted and I found out he can't open lockers. Brittney and I chatted about hot band guys, Jeff. It was really fun.

Ok the first thing Garrett does is start talking mess about me. What is up with that? Mrs. Schwarz was like, "What are you going to do next year?" I was like, "Cry." I know I say I hate Garrett, but I'll miss him - and that's why he's going to visit me next year!! We had a worksheet that I didn't finish in class because, I don't know why? I guess it's because I didn't understand the concept as much on the first page.

There was a "fight" in the hall after school. There was a teacher there so nothing really happened. I got on the bus and asked Jamel and Kie about it. Found out that it was over a note that called someone a stinky monkey. That's so sad. I also found out that Jamel does muscle inhancers. What's up with that? I know he's like 18, but still. Why? I don't understand kids these days.

I get home and do my thing I read the e-mails between my mom and dad. It hurt to read what I had been feeling all along, my mom told my dad that he doesn't have a relationship with me (I would post it, but it's kind of personal) and to read it just made it that much sadder. My dad was telling my mom that she walked on out me and blah blah blah. That hurt to because it made me think. I'm not sure anymore, I don't want anything from anyone. If it's going to cause pain, then I need NOTHING.

I talked to my mom and she's like,"I'm sorry." I'm fine with it, all I have to say is that dad better NOT complain about taking me anywhere. I finished up my homework. I had to do my color plates and man were those long. I have to see if I can get another page of my digestive tract because I don't have a back to it and think there's supposed to be one.

"urfriend" left me a message to see if I got my ACT score. No I haven't and I really want it. I decided that I'm going to take the ACT again in June. I don't think I did that well on the Feb. 12th one. No harm, I mean I don't have to pay for it, dad does.

Christina: I LOVE YOU GIRLIE! I know that things seem bad right now, but I'm sure you'll pull up your grade in Anatomy. Actually I have a big test in that class monday, which I'm pretty sure I'm going to fail. I have a study technique that I've been using for awhile that seems to work, let me know if you want to try it. Agian, keep your head up, you'll do great on the next test!

Mr. Flemming: "I know you're going off to college with thousands of guys so here, have some big tits."
-said to the idea of parents buying kids boob jobs as graduation presents

Theresa

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