urban glitz

Are they seeing past it?
...written on March 11, 2005, @ 11:28

Is her bullshit not working on them anymore?!

Well well well, it has been a few days since I've updated. I've been on the computer, but then I end up talking to someone and then I get off. I can't help it, I've just been so tired lately so you know I'm glad that it's spring break. I sort of wish it was like it was at AFNORTH where we had TWO WEEKS, but I'll end up getting really bored after I finish all my homework. I got a couple of assignments to do, a whole chapter for anatomy, memorize a part of the Raven, read the Fall of the House of Usher and start my compare and contrast essay over "Eyes".

These past few days I have just been feeling like I'm all alone. Everyday I sit there and look around and I see friends just talking and laughing with friends and I realize that I'm all alone, my best friend is gone. I haven't talked to him since he last called and I don't really plan on calling him. I think it makes me seem like the one desperate to hold on to a lost friendship. Maybe I should, but I don't know, we both hate talking on the phone. It just sucks not having a best friend. And I think I fucked things up with Ricky with the whole car thing. Truth is, I was taking out my anger on him, I thought his tone was one way and it really wasn't. DAMN YOU COMPUTERS! I guess I deserve it anyway, I'm a "rude" person as I have been told many times before.

I wrote as Aaron last night, I was "flipping" through some xangas and I saw a comment that someone left and it sparked me to write, so I did. It wasn't a long entry, but I did it. And I felt better after it. Found out that I DO have self-control. Yesterday in anatomy class Zach came in and was like, "HI THERESA!" and instead of saying anything to him I just ignored him. I would've have usually done that, usually I would've probably said, "Fuck you, leave me alone." I was so proud of myself and I could careless what he and Adam think of me because I don't need those people and I HIGHLY doubt that I'll see them after this year and if I do, I hope that I'm giving them a ticket.

Today is Maile's birthday and I still haven't gotten her present, I know what I'm going to get her. I have wait until my parents get home, drive up to Wal-Mart, get the present, drive over to her place, then we're going Downtown. I hope we have fun, even though her boyfriend is going, she doesn't want him to go for some reason. Birthdays always make me think, mine's during the height of marching season so I'm always busy on mine, I never do anything on it. Since I'm the "black sheep" of my family, my parents don't do anything for ME on my birthday. I'll just tell them not to get me anything this year, I don't want anything because I know they'll spend everything on Erika. My grandma will be here and that's all I need.

We had our concert tuesday and of course my parents didn't go. I had little hope that they would've gone, but they didn't. What I don't understand is why make me be in band, but not go to any of my concerts, contets or games? That is why I don't want them to walk on the field during senior night, my grandma has always been proud of me no matter what, my dad is like, "I wish my kids were in a sport." Like yesterday I showed dad my grades and I had all A's except for that B in AP English he was like, "You need to make that B an A." Ok it's freaking AP and it's a 88.67 B. Then he was like, "Good job." Yes, a "good job." That's so sad that I'm like "YES!" over something so simple as that, my dad doesn't say, "I'm proud of you." Besides those grades aren't for him anyway, they're for me I set a goal of all A's this semester and I'm going to reach that goal.

Yesterday I was sitting there eating and Erika was too. My parents were in the kitchen and Erika was like, "The library is trying to make me pay $14 for a book that I didn't check out." Mom said, "Well obviously you checked it out since you have to use your ID to check out a book." Erika just sat there. Dad said, "Why don't you listen?" Erika: "What?" Dad: "I told you to ride the bus unless you clear it with me. Didn't I? I also said I didn't want that little Lance boy coming around my house. I don't want to hear it when he does something to you because it's all your fault." I damn near similed, my parents had finally seen through her bullshit.

Garrett was telling me that Ross and Casey are going to Prom together, ew! Band people. It's funny because Casey is probably going to wear a tux (she's a girl, but looks like a guy) and they were like, "Hey maybe Ross should wear the dress." (Ross is bi.) Garrett cuessed the other day, he said "bitch". Garrett saying that is a HUGE deal too. Also everyone thinks I like Garrett, I can't stand that. I don't, he's just my friend. I thought this would end once Wes left, but it didn't.

Going to Prom with Jessica and I'll be dress shopping with Maile this week. She's more excited than I am. I guess I should be excited, but I'm not sure if I can be. This means that after prom it'll be a month until my seniors graduate. I think I'll be hanging out with the band people, what fun! (Sarcasm) I hope it's fun.

There was something going on that I thought I should write about. There are some people trying to get a gay club for Westmoore because they have the Asian American Society and the Ebony Society. Well I'm all for that, but now there is this guy who's ALREADY (the gay club hasn't even been made) trying to stop the gay club from forming. It ticked me off, why? I asked him, "Why are you trying to do that? We have Ebony Society and Asian American Society?" He said, "Well that's not immoral." I told him, "To some people being black is immoral." You ask that of any KKK person and they'll tell you. Plus who is HE to say what's immoral and what's not? I went home to look for my student handbook because I wanted to open it up to the page that talked about discrimination and throw in his face. That's discrimination, I don't give a fuck who you are and who you're discriminating against your ass should be suspended. It's the whole churchy people. I fucking hate that, just because you go to church does NOT mean you can discriminate against people who aren't the way "god" intended. I'm still not sure on the whole "god" thing anyway. I'm sorry, but I think people are just covering up for their lack of an open mind.

I so thought that Erika was leaving for Spring Break, turns out that she's staying. I'm going to be a little bit miserable. I can't stand her, but I try my best to ignore her and pretend that she's not here. But she'll have her little friends over saying, "Oh yeah you can use MY bathroom." And I know that she takes beer over to her friend's houses and stuff. I swear that if she does anything to me and I'm just going to go off and I do NOT care if my parents are home. I can't stand her, she thinks that the world revolves around her, it doesn't.

Psychology is a little boring now, all we do is listen to what these two girls have to say, I'm glad that they can relate what we learn to their lives, but I do NOT want to hear evey little thought that pops into your head. I'm trying to get Addison to hook me up with Kendall, Addison was telling me yesterday that Kendall was looking for a date to prom. But Kendall doens't like black people, why?! So I'll have to see if Addison ever found out.

I got a B on my anatomy test. I was a little sad about it, it could've been higher than a 83. I notice that I'm getting tired of the grades I get, I want to get better. That's a little scary for me. I've never been like that. Hm. Anyway I got somethings from the colleges I put down for my ACT thing. I put down OCU instead of OU and I got something from them it said that if you got a 22 on the ACT and at leat a 3.0GPA you get $3,000 anually! And I got something from the University of Texas San Antonio and they have a study abroad program where you can go to Japan, so I'm not sure. I want to go to OU because of the comfort factor, but I have to see if they have the classes that I want. Maybe Maile and I can go up to the campus and see what they offer and stuff. I know Maile is going there, most likely on a music scholarship for band. I still need to improve my ACT score, I want at LEAST a 27 and I hope that I can get that when I take it in June.

Still haven't asked Mr. Smith about teaching me the ways of the bass drum, but Garrett tells me there is this drum thing that happens every thursday. Honestly I just want to learn to play the bass drum so I can better myself as a musician and if someone approaches me for Drum Corp. and they're like, "Do you play anything else other than clarinet?" I can say "bass drum". Plus it's not like I want to cross over, the clarinets NEED ME. I don't want to be self-important, but it's true. Sarah will be section leader and not everyone sees eye to eye with her, also that section needs everyone that it can get.

This has gotten long enough, if anything needs to be added, I'll add it.
Theresa

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